Moms Aren’t Born Overnight
Often times when I pondered what a mother would be and what kind of mother I would be, I would be filled with emotions that wouldn’t necessarily fit in the “typical” societal norms. Becoming a mother did scare me a little bit, not just for the changes in lifestyle, but also the thoughts of, “would I know what to do” and “would I be good at it?” When my husband and I started to discuss potentially starting to have children, it was his confidence that increased my curiosity and desire to journey down the pathway of starting a family.
Fast forward from the decision to start trying to conceive, to a positive pregnancy test, I was feeling an overwhelming amount of thankfulness and love. The first few weeks after finding out that I was pregnant were totally surreal, it honestly did not feel like it was actually happening. There is a ton of excitement revolving around telling those around us that we were expecting and then that excitement turns into the realities of “oh wow, this is actually happening”. Although I absolutely loved being pregnant, it did take me a little while to feel ready to get into that nesting mode and start preparing. I was worried initially why I did not have that immediate maternal instinct to nest, but what I have gathered is that everyone will go through pregnancy at different paces and whenever they are ready to start — is perfectly appropriate and normal.
A prepped and ready nursery and a car seat installed in the car, my husband and I were ready for this kiddo to arrive! On our delivery day, I swear that the reality of ‘I’m pregnant and I’m having this baby’ didn’t fully settle in until I heard my son’s first cry. What an incredible feeling that was, I was fully overcome with emotion and my only response in that moment was to full blown ugly cry. Wasn’t expecting that one! The immediate postpartum period in the hospital was like living on another planet, there’s so many new things going on, you are a bit sleep deprived and you have this new wonderful addition that is connected to you at the hip. Your body gives you all of the strength you need to get through those first few days, I don’t know where the strength comes from but you get through it— with a smile on your face.
But we’re here to talk about the transition to motherhood after delivering your baby. Becoming a mother is often portrayed as a seamless, whimsical transformation that occurs overnight. However, the reality can be a bit different from this idyllic image. The journey to motherhood is a complex (yet beautiful) one, filled with ups and downs, uncertainties, and challenges. I do think it is essential to acknowledge that the role of a mother isn't something that emerges instantaneously; rather, it's a gradual process of growth and adaptation. It's common for new mothers to experience a range of emotions, including doubt, fear, and even a lack of connection with their newborn.
One of the most significant misconceptions about motherhood is the expectation of instant bonding between mother and child. For my case specifically, obviously I felt so much love and appreciation for my son in those first few months of life, but it did take me a little while to understand the feelings that mothers talk about when they say, “you never know love until you have your own baby”. While some mothers do experience an immediate rush of love and connection upon meeting their baby, for many others, this bond takes time to develop. It's essential to understand that there's no right or wrong way to feel as a new mother; each woman's experience is unique and valid.
The reality of caring for a newborn can be overwhelming, particularly for first-time mothers. From sleepless nights to constant feedings and diaper changes, the demands of motherhood can leave new moms feeling exhausted and emotionally drained, it's entirely normal for us to struggle with the adjustment to our new role. Additionally, the pressure to live up to societal expectations of the "perfect mother" can further exacerbate feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. It's crucial to challenge these unrealistic standards and recognize that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to motherhood. Every mother-child relationship is unique, shaped by individual circumstances, personalities, and experiences. Moreover, the physical and hormonal changes that accompany childbirth can also impact a woman's emotional well-being. Postpartum depression and anxiety are common experiences for many new mothers, yet they are often stigmatized and misunderstood. It's vital to prioritize maternal mental health and provide access to resources and support for women who may be struggling.
As time passes, we start to settle into our new role, we start to be able to navigate the complexities of motherhood with a bit more confidence and ease. With each day that goes by, we learn more about ourselves and our baby, forging a bond that will continuously grow overtime. It's essential to recognize that the journey to becoming a mother is not a linear one; it's filled with twists and turns, highs and lows, moments of joy and moments of doubt.
Through it all— what emerges is a profound sense of love and connection that far surpasses what words can describe. You start to understand the “I could never love a being more than I do this child” and feel like you can’t get enough of him or her. For me, that started developing around 7 months. So with this being said, my moral of the story today is that despite the challenges and uncertainties, the experience of motherhood is undeniably transformative, it shapes us into the nurturing, resilient beings that we’re meant to be. It's a journey of growth, learning, and self-discovery, one that continues to evolve with each passing day. You do not need to have it all figured out right from the get-go, you can allow the birth of your motherhood journey develop over time. Embrace the complexities of motherhood, tap into your inner strength and resilience, and ultimately you will be transformed into the loving, nurturing mother that you are meant to be. Just remember, you are doing a great job.
Stay happy and be blessed, see you in June!
